Untouchable Face
by Strange Bint
Summary: Buffy deals with her Sunday morning getting interrupted. This is a Buffy-Centric fic. It’s all from her POV. (Spuffy angst, Giles & Buffy fluff, Buffy & Faith, Faith & Spike)
1. Default Chapter

_Summary: Buffy deals with her Sunday morning getting interrupted. This is a Buffy-Centric fic. It's all from her POV. (Spuffy angst, Giles & Buffy fluff, Buffy & Faith, Faith & Spike) Buffy/Spike, Buffy/Other_

_Story Notes: This story is a second part of a series, but can be read as a stand alone. Thesong Faith sings in Eminem's "Without me." The title of this fic comes from the Ani Difranco song "Untouchable Face."_

_Author notes: This one probably won't turn out how you expect. There is actually no Spike/Faith skin on skin in this fic! I want to dedicate this to Phillip, whose email made this fic happen, or keep happening._

* * *

_"_You know I really don't look forward to seeing you again. You look like a photograph of yourself taken from far far away and I won't know what to do and I won't know what to say except f--- you... So f--- you and your untouchable face f--- youfor existing in the first place and who am I? That I should be vying for your touch. Who am I? I bet you can't even tell me that much."

Ani Difranco

* * *

"Hi, Giles, you wanted to invite me over for pancakes, right?" Buffy said into her little red phone.

"I'm afraid there's been some bad news, Buffy," he said.

"The pancakes burned? Oh man, and you just had to call and tell me to ruin my Sunday, right?"

"Yes, because that is what I live for, Buffy. How could I possibly have or want any Sunday plans of my own? So, I just ruin yours as you wile them away with slick Italian lovers that have too many piercings," he said.

"He doesn't have too many piercings. He just has the ears. You make him sound like one of those freaks that has a spike through everything. He doesn't even have a tattoo. He's like the second most conservative guy I dated, and besides he gave us a chunk load of change."

"The title of second-most-conservative doesn't say much in your lot."

"Just do me a favor and don't even attempt to kill this one. He has really big body guards and there are like entire demon races that have hated each other for eternity but they all would join up to help him," she said.

Buffy smiled. She knew the news couldn't be that bad if Giles was being cranky. She loved the fact that she had Giles back. It was almost worth, well, it was almost worth everything that happened.

"Yes, well, it's easy to help one that only stands by and only intervenes idly," Giles sighed.

"Giles," Buffy sighed back, "Did it ever occur to you that with my track record of crucial interveners that I could use an idle intervener in my life? Besides, I'm not going to marry the guy."

"If you did you'd be the fifth," Giles informed her.

"This is about Mount Everest, isn't it? You're still jealous because when you tried it there was that whole avalanche-rescue drama."

"It was not a drama or a rescue. I got myself out...by calling for help," Giles insisted.

"You know, you could try again on a less snowy day. I could come, or not. I'm not really into camping on a big slanty hill."

"Buffy, I do actually have something to tell you that is unpleasant, as much as my misadventure with Mount Everest seems to be a source of joy for you."

"Which is?"

"I think Faith is having a little trouble. She seems to be fighting everything in the city," Giles said.

"She's just trying too prove herself, Giles," Buffy sighed, "Let her be destructo-girl for a while. What harm could it do?"

"Well, that's what I'm trying to tell you," Giles said "She has begun to act rather rashly. There's a woman fitting her description that has appeared drunk and surly picking fights at the most dangerous bars, both human and demon, in town."

"Well, maybe it's not her. I mean it could be any wo—"

"An attractive American woman with a tattoo," he said

"Well, it could be Angelina Jolie, really upset that Brad is going back the Jen—Okay, it's her. You didn't even have to tell me about the American woman tattoo part. So, I'll go get her."

"That's up to you, "Giles sighed, "I just thought you'd want to know."

"Gotta go!" Buffy called cheerfully to her guy as she zipped up her black short boots, "Feel free to stay as long as you like. This could take a while."

"'This' meaning you are going to collect that loud drunken cow of a Slayer. Why not let her get herself out of trouble?"

"Oh, you know the girl scout motto: One for all and all for—Wait that's someone else. Girl scouts talks about how old friends are gold or silver or something," Buffy said as she reached for her coat.

"More like an albatross around your neck," he whispered to her.

Suddenly, he was there all young-Daniel Day Lewis-but-Italian-like helping her put on her coat.

"Okay, maybe she's albatrossy…an albatross is like a big heavy necklace that weighs on you, right? Anyway, she's not a loud co—"

"Oh, fuck off! You know what your problem is? You're stupid! You're all fucking stupid. Stop trying to touch me. Nobody can touch me. I'm not falling over, and why the fuck are you whispering? Oh right, you're a pussy. Oh no you fucking don't! You are not going to disappear on me now, Liz! Liz? Fuck!…B! Open the door! B!"

It was Faith, outside the door yelling and pounding. Buffy opened the door and Faith fell in to her apartment. Right away she came with a smell that didn't belong there. It was a smoky and bloody and alcohol ridden smell.

"Faith," Buffy grabbed her by what ever she could to keep her from falling over.

Luckily she managed to catch her denim sleeved wrists and not her tight black tank top.

Buffy caught her wrists and tilted the girl up. She looked awful. She had dried blood on her face and Buffy wasn't sure if it was hers or not. Her make up had slid down her face into that raccoon look, and her hair looked like it had been in a wind tunnel.

"Faith you're all bloody. You've been fighting and your drunk and what is with your hair?" Buffy said.

Buffy knew that Giles had told her all of this already, but it was another thing to see it. Okay, it wasn't that she was surprised Faith had done something stupid, or that Faith was fighting or drunk. It was just, why was she here?

"It's fucked. The whole thing. I shoulda went down there the minute that Gunn wrote me. 'Good news' my ass! Now Liz is here, but not really. Now he's gone again. He was supposed to help me with this. What a great time to punk out, Liz." she said all of this in shallow breaths and then she laughed.

Buffy had never seen a person this drunk. This was beyond Mom or Giles or Willow feeling sorry for themselves drunk. This was wobbling slurring words drunk. People who were this drunk were the ones you pushed or threw out of the way when you were dancing or dusting vamps in clubs. Buffy really really wanted to push Faith out of the way, but instead she put her arm around her waist and led her to the sofa.

"What happened, Faith?" Buffy asked gently, "What did you do?"

"I got a little out of control," she said and pointed to the inside of her arm where there was a small but deep slash, "Tried to cut myself and he told me not to. He told me if I was any kind of a fighter I'd turn my anger out to the big bads. So, I did."

"David, get the first aid kit," Buffy told her new man and then turned back to Faith, "Someone told you to start a bunch of drunken fights? Who? Why?"

David went to get the first aid kit with an audible sigh. Buffy didn't like this much either. She had to sober Faith up and find out what was going on.

"Liz told me. Well, first he drank with me and then he told me to _turn all my grief into anger and then find something to bloody hit,_" Faith suddenly started talking in an English accent and laughing manically.

"If I fall asleep and Liz comes back say 'thanks' for me," she said as she opened her eyes wide after closing them.

"She's really drunk," Buffy shrugged apologetically to her new guy who now stood before her with the first aid kit with a fixed annoyed face.

"Really, I wouldn't have known," he said dully.

"Oh, Guido is here," Faith snorted as she looked up at David, "Haven't you kicked him to the curb yet? Do it before he does you, B. Wait 'till Liz tells you how they've shared every girl."

"Liz the girl who told you to start fights with people and got you wasted? Who is this Liz? She's not a new Slayer, is she? Faith, please tell me you didn't take a new Slayer out for a night of drinking and bar brawling," Buffy demanded.

She was so wasted she couldn't keep her pronouns straight. Faith started laughing as if Buffy had just purposely told a joke. Then Buffy realized at some point the laughing turned to crying. Buffy stiffened. She felt her heart beating fast. Something was wrong. Faith didn't cry.

"Faith," Buffy said slowly as she even reached out more slowly to touch the girl.

She thought Faith might start swinging or trying to claw out her eyeballs if Buffy touched her. No, she knew that was a distinct possibility. But, Faith only kept crying in her hands. Her hair, a dark mane streaked with caramel now hiding her entire face. Buffy really had to remember to tell her that her highlights were pretty.

"Faith, whatever you've done, it's okay," Buffy said softly, "I'll help you. You did the right thing by coming here. Now please let me help you this time. Tell me what happened."

"It's too late. It's too late, B. I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. I fucked up. I shoulda known they were in trouble. I shouldn't a' waited for them to come tell me like last time. Now we got nothin'," she said.

"Who Faith? Who? Liz? Is Liz a Slayer?"

A million things were going through Buffy's mind. If Faith and this Liz had killed someone again Buffy could now get David (AKA Mister Immortal) to cover it up. Not that Buffy wanted them to have no consequences. She had a feeling that there now would be three Slayers up in "the special rooms," where Dana was. But, maybe it wasn't so bad. This Liz sounded like she might be gay, since she was saying she shared girls with Buffy's new boy. Maybe Faith decided being gay was a fun new thing to try. Maybe her and this Liz just had a fight, and Faith was getting more sensitive in her old age. She doubted that but…people did cry more easily when they were drunk or in this case ripped out of their skulls. Still Buffy felt a sense of horrible dread she couldn't explain. Maybe she should just give Faith some coffee and send her home and stop with the gentle intervening. Faith wasn't her responsibility.

"At least you can make me laugh, B," Faith now smiled through her tears and ran her hands through her hair.

"Let me see your arm," David said as he sat down next to Faith on the couch.

Buffy was pretty sure Faith had bled on the couch and she was positive she had gotten dirt all over it now that she curled up with her knees to her chest. That put her grimy Doc Martins all over it. What was with unstable people and Doc Martins anyway? It was no big deal though. Couches could be cleaned. Buffy hoped the same could be said about whatever had happened-- whatever Faith had done.

"Ow! God Damn it!" Faith scowled as David put disinfectant on her arm.

David began to blow on the disinfectant to stop the sting. Faith laughed.

"So, it's true what they say about you. You do blow sometimes too!"

David just rolled his eyes toward Buffy in a plea to hurry this up.

"Fade'," David said calling her by her name in Italian, "Why don't you tell us what has happened so we can fix it?"

"I'm sure you'd wanna fix it," Faith said her eyes suddenly narrowing as she pulled her arm away from him, "I'm sure you'd wanna fix it good. Liz told me all about you. How you knew. You knew they came, and you fucked with them. You! I oughta tear you a new one. Maybe if you had kept your fucking Roman nose outta things they'd be different. Yeah, you had to know. You had to know all along. You fucking—"

It was hard to believe that someone could go from crying and being bandaged up by someone to getting in their face about to hit them. Actually it wasn't because the person that was doing it was Faith, but she was in the face of Buffy's new boyfriend. Buffy felt her sense of dread leave her. This was just Faith being Faith.

"Okay, this stops now," Buffy said firmly as she threw Faith back on the couch.

"Oh," David frowned suddenly, "I think I know what this is about. Has it happened already? I thought there would be more time. Two more years at least. Those two were always naturals at bringing on their own disasters rather quickly. Just be thankful neither you nor my beloved weren't dragged onto their slag heap."

"I'll cut you! I'll cut you wide open you mother fu—"Faith began to charge David and Buffy quickly pushed her back again.

"What's going on?" Buffy turned to her new boyfriend before Faith could fall back onto the couch, "What are you talking about? Do you know this Liz person? What's a slag heap?"

David looked at Buffy with his green eyes that did almost look pleading. No, he wasn't supposed to do that! Buffy felt the god damned dread again.

"You won't like this. A slag heap is a junk pile, really a bi-product of mining, but what's important is: that's what you'd be on, and that's what Fade' wishes she could have thrown herself on if you had tried to drag those two—"

"No!" Faith yelled suddenly, "You're not gonna be the one to tell her! Not like this…Liz wants me to be the one, I guess. Angel would've done it himself. He wouldn't have let me fuck it---"

"What about Angel? The two of you know something about Angel and you kept it from me?" Buffy said quickly.

Her heart was beating fast again, like when Faith had first started crying. Buffy found she was really wishing she could believe that Faith would cry like that if she had killed another human being.

"B, Angel's gone. He might still be alive, but I dunno… There was a big battle, one that he apparently had planned for a while and—"

"No!" Buffy said as she felt herself rise stiffly from the couch.

"Tell me that the two of you didn't know about some huge world changing thing that was going on over there that you kept from me!"

"I kept nothing from you, amore. You knew that the vampires were involved in something dangerous, maybe something evil, and something you didn't want to be involved in. Those were your words," he said quietly.

"I never said that I didn't--- I wanted to know about the big things. I wanted to know about Cordelia. I sent Angel a card about Cordy. Did he get that card? It was more of a letter really. Was he--" Buffy found that she had stopped talking as she saw Faith was staring off into nothing now.

David just looked at her with those green eyes that suddenly didn't look sorry enough. Buffy felt her own eyes narrow in anger.

"I never---How long have the two of you known? Never mind. It doesn't matter. You're right. Just say what you have to say, Faith," Buffy said as she felt a dagger in her throat.

Buffy glared down at Faith who seemed to think the wall next to Buffy was much more interesting, even hypnotizing to look at.

"Fred died first. Did you know Fred, B? She was a slip of a thing, like a twig you could snap in half. That's all I thought of her. It was so obvious Wes had a huge thing--- I was such a bitch to her. I knew she was all about the book smarts; I figured we had nothing to say to each other. I wanted to get to work. When I went into Angel's mind Wes and Fred—"

"I know! I know you were in Angel's mind. I know Wes and those people took out his soul. What does that have to do with Angel being gone?"

"Wes," Faith burst out suddenly, "Wes was next. He died fighting some magic dude. The bitch goddess that Fred turned into buried his fucking body. I got to say 'good-bye' to Wes, though. I got to say goodbye, didn't I? He was glad at how I turned out in the end, at least that's what Liz says."

"I thought you said that Fred died? Faith, you better not be---" Buffy suddenly felt her brain snap back, like she forgot to do something really important, "What? Wes is dead. Are you sure?"

"He was my Watcher," Faith said in a sickly whisper, "and my friend. He bought me clothes in a really nice mall after we escaped from the jail. 'Anything you like,' he said. That's where I got this jacket. I think he thought we were both gonna die."

And Buffy felt like she forgot something really important again, and it wasn't like forgetting to set the Tivo. It was like she forgot to check for survivors.

"Oh, oh, Faith. I'm so sorry," Buffy said, "But, are you sure about this? It all sounds really weird and what about—what about Spike and Angel? Where are they?"

"Gunn was next," Faith said, "He died fighting, like he was born, Liz said. He didn't mind. It was how he wanted to go. I don't think Liz was lying about that even though I think he might a' lied about Wes talking me up. I think they were all too upset about Fred and the bitch goddess. Liz said the bitch goddess is alive for sure. Meanwhile, Liz fades in and out."

"Okay, Faith!" Buffy said as she felt short of breath suddenly, "Who the hell is Liz and how do you know you can trust her? Where's Spike and Angel?"

"He doesn't know where Angel is," Faith's voice was shaking, "He—he says that if Angel died he'd feel it, and he said he didn't feel it. But, I think he might be lying. I think he thought I was a hard ass, and that I wouldn't take it so bad. But, I think Angel might've been the only person I ever loved who loved me back."

Faith was silent for a second and the air felt thick and heavy, too heavy to lift her arms to hit Faith's drunk ass, too thick to say anything.

"I think Liz had a good time watching me drink and kick ass though, B. He called it…vivacious—no—vicarious living… and at least he could go where he wanted now even if he is just dust in the wind, so if he never comes back, I want you to know he had a good send off," Faith said and she did look at Buffy now and smiled.

"Faith," Buffy said through gritted teeth, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh c'mon, B," Faith snorted now as she stretched out on the couch, "You know. You can't do that. You can't make me explain what you already know after the night I had just so you can act surprised and show all the right under control B emotions. He knows you didn't love him and he's okay with that."

"I'll show you under control emotions. Don't tell me what I can't do. I think I'll make you do whatever is right," Buffy said as she found herself sitting on top of Faith.

At first Faith's eyes went wide with surprise or pain, as if she was the only one who had a right to it after busting in here and talking like this. Then she burst out laughing.

"Guess who's back. Back again. Guess who's back, guess who's back," Faith sang a little tune now.

Buffy really was going to hit her in the face when she realized that the song wasn't about her becoming a bitchy cop again. Buffy felt like she couldn't breathe as she whipped around to look behind her. Did she already know what—who—was there? Yes, but now she was looking at him. The track lighting was really good for him.

"She's completely out of her mind," David shook his head.

"No, she's not," Buffy said as her own voice sounded really foreign to her.

David hadn't bothered to turn to where Faith had been looking. He didn't see the other man there. She didn't know how anyone could miss him. Miss him as in not notice him. She could see how someone could miss him-miss him, and not realize how much they did until they saw him. Him with his same old coat and black jeans, Doc Martins, and super-model cheeks. Buffy didn't know how she got off of the whiskey smelling Faith as she felt her blood drain to her feet. She found herself having to sit beside the other Slayer.

"Amore," David said, "You are very caring to stick up for her sanity, but she's not being coherent and now she's singing nursery rhymes. She's also clearly being cruel pretending to have some information. The insane can be very cruel, you know?"

"It sounds like we dated more than one of the same girls, me an' this bloke," he spoke and he smiled when he did it.

"Yeah, and I may be a crazy bitch, but I don't sing nursery rhymes. That's an Eminem song," of course Faith had to say something too.

The sad look he had on before would have looked less painful. Buffy suddenly wished that she was the Slayer who could get drunk and hit things and fall to her knees crying in an alley for someone else to save, but that wasn't her. She was the Slayer with the new awesome place in Rome with crème colored couches that matched the carpet perfectly.

"Why don't the two of you tell me something I don't know," Buffy rose as she managed to smile with tears rolling down her face, "Like what the hell is going on."

"Spike," David turned and said very calmly, like ghost exes just walk through walls all the time.

But, all Buffy could see was him. He was there. Just standing there, not that he ever just did anything. He was standing there like everything that had happened was written on his face.

"Hello, Buffy," Spike smiled again, and yep, the sad look was somehow definitely less painful.

Spike. Buffy knew how he felt about all of it the second she looked at his sallow-in-a-hot-way face. Another battle, another life, another death, it's the way it goes. Buffy knew he still loved her, or maybe not. Maybe the look on his face wasn't about anything that had just happened to him. Maybe it was that he didn't love her any more and he was letting go, moving on. Well, wasn't that what she wanted. No! Well, yes, but not like this, not in this manipulative weird fucked up ghost way of his. The way Faith had been so drunkidly trying to explain. Buffy hadn't known that "Liz" was Spike at first. She really didn't know at all right away. She really thought, really hoped, Faith was talking about a Slayer that she couldn't place. She couldn't tell exactly when she had the feeling that Faith was not talking about a Slayer at all.

"You must be the latest Roman conquest. You know me?" Spike said his eyes scanning David from head to toe.

"I am The Immortal," David said stiffly like when the host took to long to get them a table at a restaurant.

"And yes, I do know you," David said his eyes turned into dark emeralds.

Buffy had never seen him be so curt, and yes, it was kind of hot, the two of them scowling at each other. But, she was mostly happy that David had gotten that pained horrible look off Spike's face. He gave her the second she needed to make her not want to spill tears.

"You're The Immortal," Spike said with a head-tilt of surprise, "Funny, thought you'd be a bit taller."

Once again, Faith was doing what Buffy wanted to be doing which was laughing. Buffy had to be losing it. Was this all really happening?

"You've never seen me? Well, I've gotten a look at you before, and all the things you've done with your Master Angelus," David said.

"My WHAT?" Spike demanded; "Oh no he didn't," Faith snorted simultaneously.

Well, this wasn't going to work.

"David, why don't you take Faith home? I obviously need to deal with this," Buffy said turning to him.

This wasn't right. Worlds shouldn't collide like this. But that was the life of a Slayer. You had to be professional. David would understand that.

"No way," Faith said, "I'm starting to sober up and it's not pretty. I feel like shit. I'm afraid there's no moving me from this spot."

Buffy felt her mouth tighten in rage. She'd move Faith from that spot.

"As you wish, Amore," David said, "and I'll make sure I bring the Second Slayer with me."

"Excuse me?" Faith said, "I think The Sloppy Second Slayer just made it very clear she ain't moving. If they want to talk in private they can go upstairs. If Liz fades away for good I don't think B should be alone."

"I think The First Slayer can make her own decisions. She requested something of you and you are going to force her to make it an order," David said.

"Oh no he didn't," and now Spike said this.

So, dying…again gave him a wackier sense of humor? Whether Buffy could deal with this or not, it wasn't going to work out like this.

"Listen, Guido. Unlike Liz I have very corporeal fists and---"Faith rose from her spot now.

Buffy pushed Faith back down to her spot she was so in love with a second ago.

"David," Buffy said, "Maybe you should just go. This is something I can handle. I've done it before."

"As you wish. Let me know if you need anything," he said.

Buffy walked him out thinking about how she was not lying. This was something she could handle. Spike had always disappeared and reappeared in her life and so did Faith. And, she had dealt with the Faith and Spike bonding. Heck, she had dealt with the both of them trying to kill her. Thank God the two of them never bonded when they wanted to kill her. This experience now wouldn't be as bad if they had teamed up when they were evil . Buffy was sure of it.

"This is a lovely place," Spike said as his lips curled back into a smile, "I don't know if I'll be able to stay though."

He was always so fucking amused by his own sick sense of humor. Now someone else was too. Faith let out a laugh that was followed by some really less sexy coughing.

"So, you're a ghost again, is that it?" Buffy said over Faith's hacking.

"Miss Five by Five gave you the 4-11 when I stepped out. Good. That's saves us time. I don't know how much of it I have left. You see I—"

"You're a disappearing-reappearing ghost and soon you'll be gone for good. I know. This is the same shit you pulled with Angel. So, now what? You thought you'd pull it on me,"

Buffy folded her arms over her chest.

Maybe she should be glad he came when David was here. She was wearing her white satin baby-doll night gown.

"Pull something? You think I'm doing this on purpose, Slayer? Pulling the ol' I'm-slowly-fading-away-as-a-ghost-trick. Yeah, I hear that one works every time. Better than the ol' my-friends-died-and-I-could-use-some-warm-comfort," he folded his arms too.

"I just know that the Liz Taylor necklace thing I gave you made it look like you could be dead and you're really well, not. No more than usual anyway. It was really great to get the memo that you were alive after I thought you died to save the world by the way," she said as she stepped up closer to him.

"I knew you'd do this," he gritted his teeth then he shifted his mouth that showed something much worse—sorrow.

"I knew you'd blame me. I did die to save the world, Slayer. At least I tried. I did it for you, once. Two was for the world, for what's right and all that. Don't know what three is gonna be for, but I can feel it coming up fast. You know what they say, third time's the charm. I tried, Buffy. I really did, but they won't let me go. Not clean anyway, not in my own way."

"Won't let you burn out. Just fade away. I know. You can make the third time a shout out to the whole fang gang in L.A.," Faith said, and Buffy didn't really know what she was talking about.

She didn't care. She didn't care about Faith's sad obnoxious ruby lipstick faded smile. At least she was smiling. Spike wasn't now.

"Who won't let you go? Those Wolfram and Hart people? Is it because of the necklace I gave you? It's from there right? I'm sorry, Spike. But, you were the one that stayed there and kept working for them. Why? At least the necklace makes it so you can't die. Are the people in L.A. really dead?" Buffy asked him softly now, "I mean, I know about Cordy, but, the rest? What happened? Where's Angel?

"You don't know much at all do you?" he said with his whole forehead wrinkling up in surprise.

"Clueless and as blonde as the movie," Faith said and sounded a lot less surprised.

"Well, it seemed like it was more important to tell Faith everything first. You guys must have really bonded in my basement," Buffy said coolly, but she felt the dagger in her throat again.

"I went to Faith because I knew you might not agree with what we had done in L.A. and you might not want to here how it all happened from me. Turns out I was right. Besides, Wes was her Watcher and Angel was her friend," Spike said plainly.

Bastard. Again he gave her nothing but a plain statement like: 'Aren't you supposed to be at work?' Hadn't he said he would kill Faith for her? So, Angel wasn't her friend now? Wes wasn't…Well, Wes had never been her friend, but was he really dead? Why couldn't Spike and Faith just act like normal people and say straight up someone was dead and then act sad.

"Don't waste time on the basement chain fantasies especially since Liz is untouchable now. He isn't pulling anything by being a ghost, B. He was and now he is again. He's fading again, but this time he ain't trapped in L.A., since the building crumpled and all. He figured he'd say bye with the time he's got."

"What?" Buffy barked and felt her hands go to her hips.

"You're here after not coming to see me to tell me that you would be going away and you wouldn't be able to see me?"

"Well, something like that, yeah, and I wanted to tell Faith 'bout her Watcher and her friends," Spike said.

"So, you—you really are a ghost?" she asked and reached out to touch his face and felt nothing.

Nothing. Of course his face conveyed everything with that nothing. He looked like he had when he asked to be killed.

"This is just a trick you can do with that necklace. Where is it? Why aren't you wearing it? Do you have to wear it to be solid or something? If you think it's too big and tacky you can have it resized," she said.

She didn't know why she felt her lower lip stick out when she said it. She guessed it was sad, him always having to wear a necklace to be in his own body.

"Ha!" Faith said, "I bet you thought you'd never hear B say that to you."

Spike looked at Faith and smiled a leering smile for a second.

"Why don't you go make yourself a pot of coffee, Slayer," Spike said to Faith.

"Can't you do it," Faith grumbled, "I don't feel so hot."

"Not corporeal, remember? And you know I have no trinket to make me that way, and even if I was as solid as a brick I wouldn't be wasting it on being your errand boy," he said.

Oh, thank God! He wanted Faith to leave. Buffy could just skip over the part where he called her "Slayer." Faith was muttering something about what Spike would be doing if he was as solid as a brick as she got up from the couch.

"I'm not a ghost," Spike said to Buffy very clearly.

Buffy gave an audible sigh of relief.

"I think I'm more like a parting gift, like the one they gave Cordy, so she could say her goodbyes," Spike said, "Of course I deserve a lot less than she did, so they took away my feelers, because they knew it would drive me bonkers. That little Valley Girl Saint could make out with Angel all she wanted. Me-- this is all I get and I don't think it's going to last long so at least I got to see you…one last time. You look very cute, by the way. I like the blonder hair, though it must be a bitch to keep up with hair that long. I'm not gonna say the rest because you know it all."

"What are you saying?" Buffy demanded, "I don't know anything. You're not a ghost. Some people made you this way to punish you and you're leaving just because you can't touch me. You're just going to give up and not fight them? Cordelia made out with Angel? I thought she died. Is she with Angel? Where are they?"

"Oh, you are rich, Slayer. I tell you I'm dying and you ask me where the poof is. Well, I don't know!" Spike roared so harshly Buffy pulled back, "Lost track of him when I was fighting for my life. If I had time to bet I'd put all my money on him being alive 'cause I feel it. He's probably a big ol' mess somewhere and you can have fun cleaning it."

"I'm through cleaning up your messes," Buffy tried to say strongly, "I have my own life now, finally. These people that are making you a ghost---or slowly killing you or whatever, I'll help you with that. But, then that's it, Spike."

"You think I'm asking for help?" Spike said, "I wouldn't dream of it. I saw how you and yours came through for my friend Fred."

"That had nothing to do with me. Besides, the way I heard it she was already dead. You know there's nothing any of us can do about that, at least nothing we should do. You know the price," Buffy felt her eyes fill up with tears.

She wanted to tell him everything again, about how she was doing so well now, but there were still those days—moments when she thought that maybe it would be better if she had stayed dead. She wanted to tell him how that feeling was in remission, but how she knew it would never go completely away.

"I do," Spike sighed, "Still it was a hell of a thing. You want to wish that somehow you'd just get lucky and she would live."

_You want to wish._ He was afraid to wish anymore and maybe he should be. They'd seen what wishes could do. For a second there was only the sound of Faith in the closed off kitchen wrestling with dishes.

"Is—is that why you don't want to fight these people, Spike? You're afraid of the price? I—I think it's different. You're not really dead. You're here. The other people Wesley and Fred…and Cordelia they're not though, are they? They're really dead, aren't they?"

"Yes," he said simply and Buffy shut her eyes.

Was she actually hoping for some round about pissy answer?

"I'm going to join them soon. Well, prolly not. I'll prolly go to Hell, but my reward was to come here and see you, and yes. I was going to be a little scared ponce and just do it through Faith, but thankfully, she dragged me here," he said.

"I am really sorry about your friends, Spike," Buffy said, "But, I am not going to say 'goodbye' to you."

"What?" he said as his mouth hung open.

"I'm not going to say 'goodbye' to you. Like it's a thing that I can just do, tie up all your ribbons so you can feel good about yourself," Buffy said.

"Fine," he gnashed his teeth, "Maybe I'll just do some more partying with Faith before I fade out again. That girl, she really knows how to grieve."

"Do whatever you want," Buffy said with a bitter laugh, "It's not like you owe me anything."

"That's right," he said, "I don't. I closed your Hellmouth and gave you your fire back. I'd say were even."

"I'm not—"Buffy began.

"B," Faith was standing there as Buffy turned behind her.

She probably heard her name and the word "party" shortly after it, or Buffy was out of sugar for the coffee.

"Saying 'bye' is what dying people should do, and you should say 'bye' to 'em. If you don't you'll regret it later. Trust me. It's a very important part of the grieving process," Faith said.

Buffy just stared for a second at the pale pretty rough voiced girl before her. Faith must be watching "Dr. Phil" or something.

"No, I don't accept this," Buffy said stiffly.

"It's true. So, I learned it in the clink from a shrink, but I know I'd a' been a lot better off if me an' my mom said 'goodbye.' Wouldn't you feel better if you and Joyce—"

"Shut-up, you idiot!" Buffy snapped and she felt bad as she saw Faith's eyes widen, but she was not going to talk about Mom with Faith.

"I don't accept that he's dying. He did the ghost thing before and he didn't die. Something happened to keep him alive. Somebody did something to make him solid and that's what we're going to do now," Buffy said

"Oh, okay," Faith said. She grinned now.

"I really appreciate that love, but it won't work," Spike sighed as he walked over to where Buffy had turned to Faith.

"No, I don't accept that," Buffy stated, "You're not dead. You say someone is doing this to you. So, we just have to fight them. Then, you'll be corporeal again."

"That's sweet, love," Spike beamed now, "But, there's nothing to fight. Nobody doing this to me. I'm dead, and I fade in and out just like before. I was just given a bit of lagging time is all. So, we can just make the most of it."

"What? You just want to play checkers or something and wait to die?" Buffy demanded.

"Well, you'd have to move my pieces," Spike said as he put his ghost hands in his pockets like he was embarrassed.

"She wishes," Faith laughed, "This non-corporeal thing really is a great way to stick it to you."

"You ain't kidding," Spike seconded.

"Great, so we're all in agreement someone is doing this to you, so tell me what you know about them. Wolfram and Hart, right?" Buffy said.

"No, love," Spike sighed, "It's not like that. God, I really wish you'd listen…It's an order from upstairs, the ones you can't really bargain with. They made me a ghosty, once again, so I could say 'good-bye.'"

"I really wish you'd listen," Buffy said, "You're saying that the Powers That Be or whatever, don't really know if I believe in those guys, gave you this gift of being a fadey ghost. It doesn't sound like a gift to me. It sounds like someone is messing with you, and if there is mystical messing—you can mess back."

"God damn it, Slayer!" Spike yelled, "Would you wipe away all the rosy tint that your rich boyfriend gave you and see what's happening."

"No one gave me anything, Spike. I worked for it all myself, and I have a right to a little peace," Buffy said.

"I won't argue with that," Spike said, "So, maybe I can fit in with the itinerary and go out all peaceful."

"You wouldn't know peace if it hit you over the head…not that peace would hit anyone--- Whatever. You're not dead and you're not dying. We just have to---"

"Ug!" he yelled, "To think I forgot how frustrating you can be. Look…"

He walked over to Faith.

"I want to grab the naughty Slayer and shake her for dragging me here and I can't," he said as his hands went through Faith.

"It feels a little hot though," Faith said.

Buffy frowned. She was speaking metaphorically, right? Buffy hadn't felt anything hot when she tried to touch him before.

"You think I'm hot, do you?" he smiled.

"Yeah," Faith said, "Warm like…Not when you were trying to hold me up when I was drunk and stumbling, you dumb ass."

"Funny Fred said the same thing. Well, not the drunk stumbling dumb ass part," he said.

They were now waiving their hands back and fourth, Spike's going through Faith's.

"Stop doing that!" Buffy snapped, "You keep complaining about this and saying time is a factor, and then you do nothing but mess around. How the hell did you last this long?"

"Um, Lessee…" Spike mock fumbled, "Oh yeah, I didn't! I'm dead. Dead! Dead!"

"As in door nail," Faith said.

"No, you're not, and where the hell did that stupid expression come from anyway?" Buffy said, "And I'm calling Giles for help."

"Yeah, because he really wants to see me alive. C'mon, Slayer this is embarrassing enough for you to see me like this without calling in your entourage too. Can't you let a man go with some dignity?"

"Oh, so you want to go out in some big blaze of glory while you're firing your manly machine gun and stupid Buffy is messing with it by keeping you alive with help. I know that's how lil' girlie me has stayed alive, but I guess you're too good for it," Buffy said.

"For the love of…The only thing that's too girlie and good for me is that stupid night gown you're wearing I'd like to rip off of you," Spike yelled now as he was inches from her face.

Buffy could swear she did feel the heat of his words blowing in her face.

"But, I can't because I'm not supposed to be here. And you're right maybe this some big bad messing with me or this is my own imagined Hell. Do you know what it's like to see you here and not be able to touch you? Do you know what it's like to know that I'm going-- to feel it-- and have you stand there and not be able to take in a word I'm saying because you have too much of that Immortal cum in your ears. I am not here, Slayer! I can't affect anything in this world around me. And nothing, NOTHING! Is going to make me solid again. Nothing can---"

Buffy felt everything she ever felt for him as he said these horrible things, so she did what she always did in this situation. She hit him. Hard. In the face…and he fell. She had felt him. She felt Spike.

"Well, that was interesting," he said as he sat up holding his chin.

TBC…


	2. Doright Woman, Doright Man

Do-right Woman, Do-Right man

"A woman's only human  
This you should understand  
She's not just a plaything  
She's flesh and blood, just like her man  
And if you want a do right all day woman  
You've gotta be a do right all night man"

"No! Stop! Stop it!" Dawn was screaming.

Buffy couldn't help but roll her eyes as she ran with Slayer speed toward the large training room at the main Slayer Headquarters. Her sister had been visiting from school for all of four hours and she was being attacked by something. Buffy was really glad her sister decided to get out of the demon world and do what ever she was doing in college now. Political Science, at least it wasn't Philosophy.

Buffy came into the gym and elbowed the vampire in the face and he fell. The vampire was Spike. The vampire was Spike?

"Geez Buffy. High-strung much?" Dawn sighed, "You okay?"

Dawn asked Spike as she offered him a hand up. Dawn was offering Spike a hand up? Okay, there was so much that wasn't right with that. Of course, nothing had been right since Spike was here, or maybe it felt like things were right--right in a new way, but that was wrong. One of the many new wrong things was that Buffy's brain had gone into overdrive. Well, first things first.

"You can touch everybody now!" Buffy exclaimed to Spike, "Not just me? What happened? Did Willow finally find a good spell while I was teaching?"

"No," Spike said firmly, "There is no spell. This isn't something magic can fix."

"So, it just went away by itself? I told you!"

Buffy didn't understand why Spike was being so negative about all of this. He had been Mr. Happy Dance when they discovered Buffy could hit him, and well, touch him. He said it was "the poetry of it" and that the Powers had a sense of humor. Spike thought he could only touch Buffy because of the "emotion she evoked" in him. (Sometimes he talked like an old English guy now. Well, he was an old English guy, but…Maybe it was from hanging out with Wesley. Wesley who he had been friends with and somehow it would have been all so funny if Wesley wasn't dead.) Buffy knew that couldn't be it. She knew she couldn't be making Spike feel something that made him all touchable. And even if it was true, it was a sign that he wasn't a ghost, or good-bye gift, or whatever he was so sure he was. It was a sign that he was supposed to be here--that he was getting better.

"No," Spike said, "It's not going away. It's not a cold, Slayer."

"Hey Casper, Pipsqueak, B," Faith said casually as she strolled past them in nothing but a black sports bra and spandex shorts.

As Faith passed by she reached out her hand and ran it through Spike's head. There seemed to be this "whoosh" sound that happened sometimes when other people tried to touch Spike. The "whoosh" didn't happen with everybody, most of the time when other people touched him there was no sound at all. Maybe the "wh oosh" was a sign he was getting more solid; unless it was a sign he was getting less solid. Faith seemed to think the "whoosh" was a great novelty.

"Hey," Spike and Dawn said in unison as if the three of them saw each other everyday and Faith brushed her hand through Spike's head.

She had Kennedy bounding after her as usual. They were going to train. Kennedy had to soak up all the Faith time she could possibly get, because apparently Faith was the coolest thing ever. Buffy had accidentally seen Kennedy present Faith to one of the Slayer classes she had taken over. She said Faith was "the real deal" because she was "street" and "had done it all solo without any glory." Yeah, it was hard to be glorious when you were in jail for murder.

"Hey, that is kind of cool," Kennedy said as she stopped near Spike as if he were a sculpture.

Kennedy began poking through Spike with her fingers like he was a baking cake. All of them stood on the refinished waxed gymnasium-like floor by a training matt. Well, Spike would say he wasn't really standing there, but he was, damn it! Faith was already across the room at the punching bag. Buffy was expecting Spike to give Kennedy one of his good tellings-off for poking him. She was kind of looking forward to it, but Spike was barely giving the girl a glare. He looked bored.

"Nothing," Kennedy said to no one in particular as she poked Spike, "Faith says you feel a little hot, but I get nothing. Well, that isn't much different from every guy I've touched. So, this is the reason my girl is locked up in a room with Giles--you. She's gone all hardcore research mode trying to save your ass. I tell ya, Willow is the real super hero around here. She's the best."

"Red's probably one of the best, but I had the best in LA. Fred really wanted to save me; it wasn't just about cracking a code. Fred had passion," Spike said.

"Willow has passion, vamp," Kennedy said, "Believe me she has---

"We all know that Will rules. What's going on? You just touched Dawn," Buffy asked Spike.

Buffy really wasn't interested in hearing about the passion Willow had from Kennedy's perspective at the moment. She also didn't think it was a good idea to talk about this girl Fred. Buffy knew she was the one who died after Cordy. The one she couldn't help. Not that she could help any of them. Buffy would help Spike.

"Maybe it's only with girls he can get somewhere with," Kennedy said.

"Oh, don't even…" Dawn began when all Buffy could do was give Kennedy a look.

"In a manner of speaking she's right," Spike said, "I knew if I could touch Buffy, I could touch Dawn too."

"And on that note I'm outta here," Kennedy snorted and went to join Faith.

"Yeah and I was so kicking your butt in training until you cheated with the tickling thing. What am I, twelve?" she said.

"No," Spike assured her, "You're a very beautiful woman, Nib. I always knew you would be, but I'm still surprised at how much. Glad I got to see it especially with out you setting me on fire and all."

Buffy felt a familiar dull ache that she thought happened in her chest, but she could never quite place it. She should be happy Dawn and Spike made up. It wasn't that she was upset about it, but if Spike…left again. Before she could think anymore Dawn was talking:

"Well, if I tried to set you on fire it probably wouldn't take, you'd go all poof. Hey, maybe we can try it, as an experiment. The last time you died it was from fire so maybe setting you on fire would make you solid again," Dawn said as if Spike hadn't said anything about her being beautiful.

As if she didn't care that she was beautiful, or "all woman sized" as Faith would say. It was like her and Spike had never been apart, but they had been. And Dawn was still a dork! A beautiful woman-sized dork. Who in their right mind would think setting someone on fire was a good idea?

"It couldn't hurt," Spike shrugged to Dawn, "Well; maybe it would, but if you really wanted to try it…Just remember what I said. Don't get your hopes up. I think the real point in all this was to make peace with you and now it's done."

"Maybe," Dawn filled in the gap of silence that Buffy couldn't, "But who knows maybe fire is the key."

"Do you listen to yourself when you talk? Both of you," Buffy said

Maybe she said it a little too loudly, or maybe there was just an echo bouncing off the steeple sealing that fell in between the echoes of Faith's punches at the bag.

"Buffy, you gotta relax. I really don't miss the old high-strung-fighting-The-First-Buffy, and you can't let this do that to you," Dawn said.

"I was not high strung with The First. I'd say I was strung just right to play my little tune in order to get rid of the origin of all evils," Buffy said to her sister.

"I agree," Spike smiled, "That was a good tune you played, a good move you made, making all these Slayers to beat the biggest bad back."

He looked over at Faith and Kennedy training. They had been joined by those three Slayers that always hung out together that were kind of obnoxious. Not that they weren't good. All the girls here were good. They had to be, but these three were all Scottish, and had these really thick accents. It took Buffy hearing them a few times to realize they were speaking English. She could always understand the cursing that they did constantly. They really were in love with the "c" word. Xander called them Larry, Moe, and Curly and because of that Buffy could never remember their real names.

"I didn't do it alone. You played some notes," Buffy said as she put her hand on Spike's arm because she could.

"Can't it just be like this," Spike sighed in a way that made Buffy pull back her arm.

Buffy was going out with David. David, The Immortal, was fun and exciting, and yes, even a little bit of a bad boy. Yet with David there would be no deaths or heartbreak or little sister's losing innocence by proxy because she slept with him. David would never tell her she didn't care enough because he was stronger than that. That's what Buffy needed, the strongest guy in the universe. She knew that was a tall order but luckily she was The Chosen Slayer. Faith was right--being a hot chick with superpowers did have its perks.

"I mean," Spike smirked as if he read her mind, "Can't it just be a reminiscent sweet good-bye. Can't we just have a good laugh and talk about the things we did. I mean the things that we did that are fit for civilized conversation. I just got out of a doomed fight, and I don't want to go back into one. Especially one with no purpose but pain."

"You want to have a civilized conversation?" was all Buffy could get out of her mouth.

Yeah, right. Nothing could be any less civilized than his conversation. Why did he have to talk so much? It wasn't just that he talked a lot; it was that his words hit so hard.

"Going back to your roots there, English? Trying to get all civilized and Victorian again. Sounds like selling out. You know what they say. Everyone's roots are really in Africa," Faith was standing next to Buffy now talking as usual.

She did it far too much too. Buffy always found she was reeling about things they both said. People didn't have to talk like this. People could say things that were less direct and made sense. Somehow Spike and Faith said things very directly that Buffy still didn't understand. What did Africa have to do with anything? They talked this way on purpose. They should both shut-up more.

"Shut-up, Slayer," Spike barked.

Buffy was going to say that she hadn't said anything, but she gladly realized that Spike hadn't been talking to her. Well, almost gladly.

"There's no way to stop this, Buffy. I was given this gift to say goodbye, and that's all I want to do," Spike said.

Yeah, he had said this a bunch of times already, and Buffy just ignored it. But, there was something about the way he was saying it now that was making it harder to ignore.

"So, you're saying death is your gift," Buffy said as she felt her nostrils flare, "Well, if that 's your gift to me, I don't want it."

"Here's a surprise," he said, "Not everything is about you. This is my gift--mine-- from the big man upstairs. I get to say good-bye to you. It's about me. It's what I want and that's that."

"No," Buffy said as she felt her voice get higher, "That is not that. That is the most moronic that I've heard. What happened to you? Did that place change you? The Spike I knew always tried. The Spike I knew fought for what he wanted bravely, and annoyingly, and sometimes evilly but you always---"

"Hello! Am I speaking Chinese? This is what I want. Look, I don't want to upset you Buffy, but there's---"

"Well, you are upsetting her!" Faith said and Buffy heard the whooshing sound of Faith trying to shove him, "And you seem to be fighting pretty hard to do it. So, I think that means that you want to upset her. And I think that means that you're a liar. In fact, I know you're a liar and---"

Faith hit Spike now. It was more of a shove really but she seemed to have moved his body. No, he had to be just reacting out of reflex.

"I don't like liars," she finished, "Tell her, or I will."

"I am not lying about anything!" Spike returned Faith's pseudo-shove by hitting her in the face.

Spike had just punched Faith in the face and there was so much wrong with that, and none of them were that Faith couldn't take a hit to the face. She returned Spike's hit really well.

"What I want," he said as he grabbed Faith by the shoulder straps of her sport's bra and backed her into the white brick wall, "is to have a nice peaceful time where no one gets hurt."

"Ow!" Spike said as Faith head-butted him down.

Buffy finally got over her shock enough to run over and hit Faith. It wasn't too difficult when all Faith was doing was standing there, but she could have started kicking the downed Spike at any minute.

"Bastard," Kennedy ran over and said, as she apparently viewed this as Spike's fault even though Faith started it.

She was trying to stake Spike. Buffy grabbed the Unchosen Slayer by the wrists as she tried to draw the stake down.

"What are you guys doing?" Faith laughed.

Buffy swore Faith wouldn't think this was funny when it was over. Then, Buffy saw the three Scottish Slayers trying to hit Spike with their Scottish fists going through him as he was laughing too. Okay, he wasn't going to think this was funny when it was all over either. Buffy grabbed him by the duster and hauled him up partially through one of the Three Stooges Scotts that were cursing and saying things Buffy couldn't understand for a change.

"What the hell is going on?" Buffy demanded looking into Spike's eyes that seemed to go wide with that concerned look all of a sudden.

What? He didn't think that lying with Faith would cause her pain?

"Yeah, what's going on, Spike?" Faith still laughed.

Then her voice got hard as she called over to the Scottish Stooges.

"Shut-up! That means you too, Violet. Just chill out. It's friendly fire. It happens sometimes with the boys. You'll learn," Faith told them.

They seemed to understand that. At least the shut-up part.

"Yeah, well," Kennedy said as she got up from where Buffy had thrown her, "I don't want any boy's fire aimed at me. Friendly or otherwise. I don't know how you do things, Buffy, but I was taught not to trust vampires. Kinda goes with the name 'Vampire Slayer.'"

"The shutting-up extends to you too, K," Faith said, "There's stuff going on here you don't understand."

"Her and me both," Buffy said, "Maybe she's on to something. Maybe I shouldn't trust vampires. "

Buffy never thought she'd be pairing herself with Kennedy, let alone someone who just tried to kill Spike. But, she could sort of identify with the feeling of wanting to stake him right about now. The only thing she couldn't identify with was Kennedy's obvious shock that Faith had hurt her. Spike could touch Faith, and he was hiding it. Faith, as usual, wanted Buffy to know she could touch a vampire just like Buffy could.

"Yeah, right," Faith said, "Go on and tell her what you told me last night."

"Last night?" Buffy demanded.

Then, Spike started to vanish. He had told Buffy that he was vanishing in and out, but she hadn't seen it for herself. Maybe part of her hoped he was being metaphoric, or he was making it up. She hated it. He faded out like one of those bad "Star Wars" holograms. It would be better if he just disappeared all at once. That way she wouldn't have to see his face, and that he knew it was happening.

"Oh, no you don't!" Faith grumbled and reached out to grab his hologramy wrist.

Buffy was thinking how Faith really could be a little slow, until Spike appeared solid again. No! That couldn't have worked.

"You know that doesn't work. It'll only give me a few seconds," Spike said to Faith.

"A few seconds is enough to say what you have to say," Faith said.

"Right, say it and then never come back again. Good plan, doe-eyes, that won't upset her," Spike scoffed.

And then he vanished with that sneer on his face. He was gone. Really gone. Buffy wondered what it was like for Faith to feel his wrist in her grasp and then have it fade out. Was it like if you held on to him when he turned to dust?

"He's so full of it," Faith said, "He's coming back. His Houdinis aren't happening any more than they were at first. He's just No-where man a little longer each time. It's like they get ten seconds longer each time, or maybe five or twenty seconds. I was kinda in the middle of something else when I decided to try and time it. But, maybe we got lots a' time. Maybe he'll start being gone for days, weeks, months before he goes to Hell completely."

"Goes to Hell?" Dawn demanded.

Kennedy and the Three Stooges seem to get bored with this. They told Faith they were leaving and she nodded 'good-bye' and didn't seem to see Kennedy's dramatic stompy exit.

"Yeah," Faith said, "At least that's where he thinks he's going. Makes sense after last time."

"Last time? When he'd disappear last time he went to Hell?" Buffy demanded.

"Yeah, I mean where else would he go. Murderer, right?" Faith shrugged.

"And it doesn't bother you that someone like Spike would go to Hell? A murderer?" Buffy demanded of Faith.

"That's not fair!" Dawn said, "He made up for the stuff he did. I--I thought he'd be the first person in my life who died I would get to say 'goodbye' too."

"Well, didn't you already say 'bye?' Didn't he tell you what was up? Besides, he's coming back, Pipsqueak but you still--"Faith began.

"Oh, what do you know?" Dawn yelled, "You were probably too drunk or high or half naked when you supposedly 'timed' his last disappearance to know anything. And no, he didn't tell me what was up. He didn't tell me he was going to Hell and he didn't tell me that you got your ho' hands on him."

"Dawn," Buffy chided and that was all she could let out of her mouth.

She held her lips tight together so nothing else would come spilling out that might sound like what Dawn said. It wouldn't be right to blame Faith for any of this.

"Pip," Faith grinned, "I really resent that. I wasn't drunk. Spike hadn't come up with the money yet to buy any hooch. Supposedly, this guy from like 1957 owed him some money and we were waiting for him to show with it. And if I remember I think I was fully dressed in a rather tasteful number from this fall's K-mart collection, a darling black T-shirt, set off with the perfect pair---"

Spike came back with this sneer still on his face.

"Oh no," Faith said mockingly, "I guess we'll have to finish the fashion chat later."

"What the hell happened last night?" Buffy demanded.

"I missed you too, love," Spike smirked.

"You tell me what happened now, or I swear, I'll make you both sorry."

"Last night," Spike looked confused, "Nothing really. We waited for Mouse and he never showed with the bloody money. So, we played some video games and I watched Faith get men to buy her drinks while she killed a few demons."

"And you touched Faith and she touched you. How did you figure that out?" Buffy demanded.

"That," Spike rolled his eyes, "I don't even remember. I think it was when she told me I was bitching like a woman and I went to smack her, or was it when I saved her from that Anexul demon in that bar? Or…I think it was when she said The Pistols were nothing but a boy band. Yeah, that was the first time I tried to hit her and made contact. A bloody boy band you really---"

"This is wasting time. Tell her what you told me," Faith said.

"It's not worth it. It doesn't mean anything," Spike said looking down now.

"Really? Because it seems like you've been telling Faith stuff that means a lot. You told her when you disappear you go to Hell," Buffy said.

"Well, I don't really know if that's true. It was just last time that was what happened. Look, it doesn't make any difference---"

"How can you say that?" Dawn demanded, "How can you say it doesn't make any difference? After everything you've done and how hard you've tried? We have to stop this, Spike. You can die all you want but you can't go to Hell. Not after I've forgiven you."

"I don't think you're the one that gets to make these decisions, nib," Spike said gently.

"I'm sorry," Dawn said, "I've--I have to go."

Buffy watched her sister run out of the gym.

"Wow," Faith said, "She's really grown up. Before she would just start bawling and run out. Now she says she's sorry. Plus, she called me a 'ho. Both signs that she's your average woman."

Buffy wanted to start screaming and calling Faith a 'ho or choking her. But she couldn' t. Those things were for other people to do and for her to stop. Spike was the one that was screaming now and choking Faith.

"You bitch! If I'm going to Hell you're coming with me," he said to Faith.

Buffy took a second to observe that he really had a good hold on her and that he probably could kill her right now if he wanted to. Then, Buffy knocked Spike off of Faith.

"All in good time, baby," Faith coughed and looked up at Spike, "All in good time."

Her eyes were all teary from being choked. That had to be why they were teary because Faith was smiling at him, but she kind of still looked sad. It couldn't be because she thought she was really going to Hell, or that Spike was. That was just stupid. No one here was going to Hell.

"You can't blame her for something you did too!" Buffy yelled at Spike now as she wanted to get back to what was really going on here.

Whatever that was.

"I didn't do it. I went out of my way to not do it. I did everything I could to not disrupt you and Dawn. All I wanted was to make you happy with my end and she has to bloody ruin it!"

"Yeah, you can see how you fading to black when you don't have to, like the world's biggest chump, is really going to make them jump for joy. If you could see B' s face when you start to go---"

"I do see her bloody face when I start to go, you stupid bint!" Spike yelled, "And that's why I don't want to give her false hope."

"What---what are you guys---You think the fact that you can touch Faith would give me false hope? That's why you didn't tell me about it?"

"What?" Spike looked at her confused, "What are you talking about---touching faith? Oh you mean touching The Slayer. Why would you think I'd want to hide that? You think I---"

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Faith grumbled, "What Spike is hiding is that their might be a way to save him. That waif girl Fred came up with a way to do it."

"And Fred is dead, so there isn' t--"Spike began.

"But that blue bitch goddess has all of Fred's memories, so all we have to do is play nice with her and---"Faith continued.

"And doing that is next to impossible; plus I'm not even sure how the Blue Meanie's memories work---"Spike continued.

"But, while we're trying to get a hold of the blue bitch to open her head up we can work on getting the stuff we need to make him solid which is--" Faith began.

"Which is this powerful nuclear energy of some such that's in the forbidden jungles of Africa no one will ever be able to find." Spike folded his arms.

God! The two of them together were like listening to Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber, or poloticians. They wouldn't shut-up and they kept erasing what the other said.

"This was all that you were hiding from me. This was the big thing that you were hitting and choking each other for?" Buffy said.

"Hey, he hit me first and choked me second. I was just trying to save the bastard's life," Faith said.

"It's not going to save my life. It's just going to get their hopes up, and then I'm going to let them down again," Spike said quietly.

"Hey, join the club, I think we have jackets, but you can't lie to them," Faith said.

"I was not lying," Spike grumbled, "I wasn't sharing irrelevant information that would only cause pain. "

"Oh quit whining like a woman. You know that B wants to know that information, and that makes it relevant. You know what I think? I think you're just worried about the pain it'll cause if you do get solid. You wanted a nice little happy ending for your story and now it still has to be a question mark--that's what I think."

"Well, you aren't too smart. It was never going to be a happy ending, bitter sweet at best. I'm sorry I hurt you anyway, but did ya have to tell nib I was going to Hell?" Spike grumbled.

Sorry? He was sorry he choked Faith? Out of all the people he could apologize to, it had to be to Faith. The person who always thought they were justified and right somehow.

"Faith is right," Buffy said because she happened to be right about this, "You wanted it to be a happy ending for Dawn, and that's not right. If you're going to Hell she should know. She always liked you when she was younger because you were the guy that told the truth when everyone else couldn't."

"Really? Is that why Dawnie liked me? You're saying that like someone who really knows," Spike said with sad eyes, but somehow he also had that cocky raised eyebrow.

"Yeah," Buffy said as she ran her hand up his arm, "Even when you were evil you could do something for her other people couldn't. You always knew how to put it all to her."

"I guess it's just like how you could put it to B back when you were evil, but ya know, in an X-rated way," Faith said, "Oh, this was supposed to be one of those subtle things, wasn't it?"

"Slayer!" Spike grumbled.

"I know. I know. Why don't I go make myself a pot of coffee?" Faith smirked and then turned and left.

"She makes me so angry," Spike said.

"Really?" Buffy said, "'Cause you seem all touched by her."

"Touched by…Oh, that's only because she makes me so bloody angry, pet. Don't worry about it. If you want I can hit her some more," he said.

"I want you to be able to hit everybody not just her," Buffy said.

"And here I thought you were jealous," Spike smirked.

"She can't be making you that angry. Why--why did you tell her everything and not me?" Buffy said as she felt something rising up in her body like bubbling soda, but she refused to let it affect her voice.

"Don't worry Slayer. I still get angry at you too, like I am angry about you and this denial business. Besides, you and I were never much for talking," Spike said.

No! That wasn't true. They talked. They talked a lot. She told him things she wouldn't--couldn 't tell anyone else. Then, in the end, she talked to him just like she used to talk to Angel, about battling evil and being the Slayer, and how no one understood. In the end…but that wasn't really the end was it? Both Spike and Angel had gone on to do other things without her. Buffy didn't want to be a part of those things. The things that Spike and Angel had been doing since they were no longer in the world of Buffy seemed dangerous, stupid and wrong. Buffy had to go on with her life and forget them. It would hurt her too much if she didn't; it may even hurt the world. It wouldn't hurt Faith, or the world, if Faith was a part of those things.

"You told her because you wanted to be alone with Faith in your special club without me. You don't care about me enough to tell me the truth anymore because I didn't come help you in LA. I moved on, and I'm not a part of your world," Buffy said and she didn't care if her voice was affected.

Angel had to feel this way too. That was why he hadn't come around like Spike to tell her that he was okay. Angel had the decency to stay away to not make things hurt more. Spike had never been decent. Or maybe Spike was just more honest. No! Spike had just lied to Buffy. Maybe Angel was angrier at Buffy. _You are not a part of my world anymore! You moved on. That's great. I can't! _Of course, Angel had come back, twice, just like Spike, and said he was sorry and acted like he was eleven in that cute way he does. But, he hadn't come back again and his old words, back when Faith won, were ringing true now. Spike was saying that it was all over and it was time to say good-bye for good, and now Angel's words would be true forever.

"You moved into this whole different place, this different world, and then you blame me for it. What am I supposed to do? What was I supposed to do?" Buffy demanded at the bleached blond vampire that stood before her with the twisted up mouth.

"That's the bloody rub of it, Slayer!" Spike barked and it made Buffy want to withdraw from him and runaway like Dawn.

But, Spike had grabbed her arm as if he was reading her mind again. Spike seemed to revel in this mind-reading power. She didn't seem able to read Spike's mind or know what he was thinking anymore. Well, Buffy didn't want to be able to read Spike's mind. She was sure it would say how Spike was mad at Buffy for not saving him in LA, even though it was very clear she had never been invited to do it. They said they loved her for being something that they could never be, but they really hated her for it. All of them. Buffy wanted to run to David's place, The Immortal, just to not have to tell him what was wrong. She'd say she didn't want to talk about it, and she wouldn't have to. He'd take her somewhere she'd ask to go, like Via Luciani 21, and she'd put on a colorful dress and pretend to be like the rest of the women there. There only job was to be young and beautiful and slurp pasta, and everybody loved them because they were so good at their jobs. Buffy could pretend she was one of them. He'd make her feel like she was one of them.

"You're not supposed to do anything!" Spike yelled, "You were never supposed to do anything. I may've moved on to a different place, and now I may be moving on to a different place again, but I never moved on to a different world. You will always be my world, Buffy, and I didn't want to hurt my beautiful little world especially when it's doing so good with out me. So, I just went to another place to talk and drink and fight and do all the ugly things I do. But, I was a fool for a change. I should've known that making you see that there 's nothing you could do is the thing that would hurt you most---"

Spike had stopped talking. He had been yelling and then talking, and then talking in that sad-Spike-way, but he stopped. Buffy supposed it was the fact that she was kissing him had something to do with it. She had meant to just give him a little peck, and now they were really kissing. Maybe the only time she could ever give Spike a little kiss was that first time, when he was badly beaten and broken up. Maybe it was like trying to take a little piece of chocolate from a Toberlarone bar, or maybe she was just curious because Spike's mouth felt wet and warm, just like before. Maybe Dawn was on to something, maybe setting Spike on fire, or making him all hot in other ways, was truly the way to save him. That would be…that would be wrong, especially to David, who had done all of these great things for her, not to mention the Slayers. But, he said he was helping the Slayers because it was a good cause not because he wanted to date Buffy. Still…

"Spike," Buffy broke away from him, "This isn't a good idea. I mean maybe it is, for you. I mean maybe…doing what we did can save you. I mean, make you not a ghost, or whatever, and if it is…I'm sure we can find another way. I'm seeing someone, as you know."

"You think having physical ties to this world will keep me here," he laughed, "That's cute. Sometimes I wish I was still evil. It would be fun to convince you that sex was the only thing that could save me. Somehow I'd figure out a way to work in that we had to do it in public places, as well as private ones of course."

"It's not cute!" Buffy said as she could feel herself redden, "I mean stranger things have happened. Angel lost his soul because of sex with me and there was that time me and Riley got sucked up by that house and kept having to do it over and ov--"

"Okay, Slayer!" he grumbled, "One thing I know that will make me want to vanish from this earth is hearing about all your sexual misadventures with those Gits."

"Yeah," Buffy realized with a disappointed sigh, "I guess sex never led to anything good in my life--mystically speaking, I mean."

"See, this is exactly what I didn't want to happen," Spike frowned.

"Well, I didn't want...You really don't--don't want to be with me at all anymore," Buffy stammered as she saw the resolved look on Spike's face.

She sighed and collected her own resolvedness.

"You have moved on, like I'm trying---like I have. I guess a girl can't be too insulted if a guy picks going to Heaven over hanging out just to be her friend. I mean, Angel picked LA over hanging out and being my friend. It's like you said that time, 'We'll never be friends.'"

"Buffy, I know you know that I would stay here forever just to be your friend, even if they were letting me upstairs. What I didn't want to happen was this."

"What? More bad kissing decisions. We've gotten over that before-- kind of. I don't get it. You said that we could be friends just now-- didn't you?"

"I think that we could be--- Oh, what the hell am I saying? I think that--Look, it doesn't--" Spike stammered and sighed.

"What I didn't want to happen is what is happening right now," he said, "The only reason you want me now is because you can't have me. I'm a challenge to you, a tough nut to crack, a project, something to work for. I'm not something that's just handed to you anymore. It was like the time that you were invisible turned on its head. It's better to just have a good ending and not have it go on and on like you an' Angel. It's better for you and---"

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not doing this to date you, Spike. I'm already dating someone, who isn't Angel by the way. Did Angel say that--- I'm doing all of this to save your stupid annoying life because that's what's right!" Buffy said.

She was outraged, livid, no, pissed.

"Oh is it really now? Well, little Miss Do-right it seems that you forgot to do the math. Let's see, this is the fourth time I've died now and none of the people I've killed got even a second chance at life as far as I know so--"

Spike had the nerve to sound like he was pissed too, so Buffy just had to show him he was wrong. She was the angry one.

"You are so stupid! Aren't you thinking about all of the people you've saved? Aren't you thinking that you are still around--alive--standing here for a reason other than to really piss me off. You're so stupid you can't even count how many times you've died-- it's three not four."

"Actually, it's four," he said calmly now, "There was a whole thing with the Blue Meanie Goddess. She killed everybody, but then she went back in time and made us all better."

"You died while you were with Angel twice?"

"Don't worry. I don't even remember it with that whole time paradox business. Angel just told me about it. He's the special one that gets to remember everything, apparently."

Buffy didn't think that having to remember horrible stuff like that sounded special at all, but she wasn't going to say that to Spike. Then, he'd never shut-up.

"Well, then, that time doesn't really count," she said instead.

"I dunno, maybe you're right," Spike said thoughtfully now, "Maybe I just liked saying I escaped death yet again, back when I was alive. Well, undead. Well, you could count that time the chip almost killed me and you saved me almost as a half a time, and the time with the Blue Meanine as half---"

"Shut-up!" Buffy snapped, "I get it. You're stupid. You want to die. Well, I don't care. I'm still going to work my ass off so you don't and you can't stop--"

"The only stupid one here is you. I do not want to die. I'd do anything I could to live, but I wouldn't do anything to you and your ever expanding group of Musketeers. The problem is that I'm already dead, and bringing me to life is going to cost whoever's corporeal hands grab at the power to make it so. And that's just what I bloody don't want. That's the definition of sacrifice, Slayer. It's giving up something you want for the good of something bigger than yourself. It's not working yourself to the bone to get what you want because you don't like being hurt, or maybe because you do like it."

The sound of Buffy slapping his so-called-non-corporeal face echoed in the gym.

"Fuck you!" She yelled.

She couldn't even believe she thought she was mad before. Now she was really mad. She forgot how Spike makes you think you feel one thing only to realize you hadn't really been feeling that way at all until the minute he really made you feel it. Maybe it was the minute he really wanted you to feel whatever emotion it was--anger, love, hate, confusion, pity. And if that was true he could go fuck himself all the more.

"How dare you say that to me?" Buffy spat.

Sacrifice was the thing that kept Buffy from being what she wanted--just a girl. She didn't even have to dip down to think of all the things she gave up in order:

Being the girl everyone liked on the outside, being the pretty LA cheerleader, being the new girl in Sunnydale everyone could have liked, being the pretty Sunnydale cheerleader, dating cute boys, dating any boys, seeming at least semi-normal in school and at home, (Maybe if she seemed more normal and if she had gotten along better with Dawn back in the day Dad would have kept coming to visit more. Mom wouldn't have been so stressed. Maybe stress led to her tumor that led to her aneurism that led to her…) dating Angel, her life, loving Angel, sex with Angel, and then finally Angel. All of Angel, any hope of Angel ever. Angel would have made it all worth it.

After that Buffy realized she would never be just a girl anymore, and it was okay, because she didn't want to be just a girl anymore. She wanted to be the Slayer, and the key to being the Slayer was sacrifice, but for that sacrifice you were given something it return--- you were given power. Just when she thought that was the key to all of it, and she could lead a happy life, she had to give up that life. This time for real, only not. Her friends (the few people she hadn't had to sacrifice) brought her back. Little did they know what she would have to sacrifice for that--- feeling alive in her own life that she finally owned.

Then she had to start all over again, and give up things she never thought she could give up and still be alive. It was too painful to really list these things out in her head. She wouldn't do it. No one could make her. Especially not Spike. But, he had always been the one to make her do things. She refused to list all the things he had made her sacrifice when she no longer was a part of her own life. They weren't tangible things that you could list, and that's what made it even harder to know that you could give them up, or how to protect them. Things like dignity and pride. Sure, she had gotten things in return, whatever they were:

(ecstasy, full acceptance, and something Giles called "**carte** blanche" which meant she could do whatever she wanted, which wasn't good. When she was really little, before Dawn, she could remember her parent's letting her do pretty much whatever she wanted. Then, it stopped and Mom and Dad started fighting. Then everything fell apart. So much for carte blanche. Maybe if you had everything, you had to sacrifice everything. Wasn't that what Buffy had done?) In the end, Buffy had even sacrificed the only thing that made her whole life of sacrificing special--her power. She didn't have to give it up, but she did have to share it. Buffy would gladly give it all up to have certain things, certain people, but there was no doing that. Spike was supposed to be the one that understood that.

"If you think I don't know about sacrifice, then you don't know me at all," she whispered to Spike bitterly.

"So, there you have it then. I don't know you. I treat you badly. I come into your happy life and I make you cry. Am I really worth the forbidden jungles of Africa? I know I was worth the forbidden fruit thing once-upon-a-time, but this is grown up time now, pet," he said all too easily.

Make her cry? Oh yeah, she was crying, and who wouldn't be? If the one person who knew you told you that you didn't know the definition of the thing that made you who you were, you'd be upset. Upset and alone. Alone in the crowd of people who wanted to be around you. Buffy felt like she had come full circle and was back to being the popular LA girl again.

"I hate you. You suck," Buffy said, like any Valley girl might.

"Okay, maybe it's not so much grown up time, but it's time to do what's right and that isn't always about what looks pretty or polite," Spike said

"You're right. Go back to your pot smoking, video game playing, and fight starting, Grown-up guy," Buffy said feeling comfortable with her old-old-school Buffy persona.

Maybe the spirit of Cordy was helping her out. There was a popular girl that was really so much more than her persona, or had been.

"Hey, I never said it was grown up time for me. I'm dead, too late now," Spike said.

He would have done so well in High School; he always had a come-back. Buffy didn't. She left him there. Maybe he'd vanish again.

"Amore, how I've missed you. Are you finally done with that vampire-ghost? How did it end? It doesn't look like it ended well; I knew he would only upset you."

Buffy had rode up in the elevator to David's penthouse trying to figure out what she was going to say to David. He now had his arms around her.

"And you couldn't have been more on the money," she said gently turning away from him to look out his window, "I'm done with him. Done with being his friend, done with caring about him, done with making out with...him being okay. He's not okay. He was never okay. He'll never be okay."

"So, he is fading as he said he would?" he asked.

"Fading?" Buffy asked as she watched out David's window. All the little matchbox looking cars raced around the big open mouth of the coliseum, "That, oh yeah. He did it once in front of me. He never did it in front of me before...It was weird."

Horrible was more like it, but weird fit too. Out of all the things Buffy experienced she never had someone she cared about slowly fade away in front of her eyes before.

"He's fading out of your world. It would be a good metaphor if it wasn't so true, no?"

"No," she said, "I mean yeah, I guess, but he's not going to fade. I'm going to stop it," Buffy told David as she turned to him now.

"How?" David, the Immortal, someone that would never die asked.

He didn't seem that concerned, but then again he never seemed too concerned about anything. Even when he was trying to convince Buffy they should date there was a casual air about it. It was like it was perfectly okay for her to say no. It didn't bother him. He didn't act rejected and start insulting her. He didn't brood about it while also saying she was probably right. He just kept casually trying. That was what Buffy liked about him though. You could throw anything at this guy and it didn't faze him. Buffy wondered how long you had to live to get like that.

"By asking for your help, anything you can do. We need to get to the forbidden jungles of Africa to get some stuff to make him solid. I know that really isn't narrowing it down but I'm sure now that we know of the basics of how---" Buffy was interrupted by a smile.

She didn't think you could get interrupted by a smile, and yet…

"You are asking me, your lover, to help you save a man you say you hate," David said as he kept the smile, "A man that was once your lover, a man that most likely wants to be your lover again. A man that has done some good, but who we can never fully trust because he has done so much bad."

"Yeah, u-huh," Buffy said casually back to him.

"You must be in love with him still, or you wouldn't ask this of me. If you are I understand...Well, I don't understand, but I--"

"What's love got to do with it?" Buffy blurted out, "That phrase isn't really usable anymore, unless you want to look like an idiot."

Buffy remembered Spike had said that once about a song phrase. What was it?

"I wouldn't say the phrase is what's making you look that way," David said as he sighed, again with the casualness that Buffy wasn't really into at the moment.

Not that she wanted to get all serious over this. That was the last thing she wanted. She just had to ask him, and then she wanted the topic closed unless they were discussing how to solve the Spike-ghosty problem. It was business.

The Ghostbusters song, that was it! Spike had said: "Who ya gonna call?" when he was asking who she was going to call about the chip. That was funny. He could be so cute when…Buffy called Riley and Riley did the right thing.

"I want you to help me save him because that's what's right, "Buffy said "It may not look right. I may look like an ass-- an idiot, but sometimes that's what being right is about. And, it's about giving things up you want. What I want more than anything in this life is peace. I think I came as close as I ever could get to it with you. If you don't want to be with me anymore because I asked you this at least I tried."

"I don't think peace is what you want most in this life," The Immortal said and he was actually looking very serious and much more like The Immortal than David.

"Oh, not you too. Men, I swear," Buffy scoffed.

When would her boyfriends stop insisting she wanted a hard life? She didn't. She wanted an easy life, but, surprise, life was hard and she had to deal with it.

"I think what you want most is to help and to think that you have done what is right. I don't think you can have peace without that, and yet, doing what is right will never bring you peace. I don't envy you, Buffy the Vampire Slayer," David sighed, but then smiled.

"U-huh," was all Buffy could say.

She knew she could get him to help with the Spike thing. He couldn't turn her down if he knew it was what she wanted, and the right thing to do. And it was the right thing to do and that was that. Buffy really hoped doing right wouldn't mess up this good casual thing she had with David. She really wanted to go to Via Luciani 21 tonight. It wasn't like she wanted to sit around with a know-it-all asshole vampire ghost watching him fade while she could do nothing, but soon that would change.

TBC...


End file.
